Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Top 10 Ways to Improve the Dexter Finale (Spoilers)

Sunday night, Showtime's long-running serial killer drama finally came to a close. It's safe to say that a great many people were unsatisfied. Many shows end in a way that displeases fans - some notoriously - but a few quick fixes really could have made the finale a lot better.

Thorough, extensive spoilers for the end of Dexter below.

1. Get better weather special effects.
Hurricane Laura looked worse than Sharknado. After nine years, don't you think they could have spent a little more money instead of just turning down the brightness and contrast?

2. Up the body count.
For a show about a serial killer, the finale was light on the killing. The body count was just two - even that annoying political aide from the Killing lived!

3. Let the Brain Surgeon put up more of a fight.
Seriously, this guy was creepy. He looked like Ryan Gosling crossed with Cromartie (Garret Dillahunt) and had the crazy-eye thing mastered... but then he gets taken down in one second by Angel.

4. Shut up little Harrison.
Why can't anyone write believable lines for kids? It's just painful watching every scene with the squeaky hair-sphere. Wasn't he supposed to be the second coming of Dexter?

5. Dexter remembers to weight Deb's body down.
Epilogue: Deborah Morgan's bloated, blue, half-fish-eaten corpse discovered on beach by small children. Just like she asked for in her living will!

6. Write better fake news.
Nothing takes you out of the moment like awkward fake news announcers saying the storm is over and everything is returning to normal, or reading the worst-worded online newspaper headline announcing that someone is NO SIGN OF LIFE.

7. Add a twist.
Any twist.

8. Penguins.
They tease little Argentinian penguins repeatedly and yet we never get to see any. Harrison should have been playing with a penguin at the end of the episode.

9. Dexter grows the beard earlier on in the episode.
That's a good beard. Why didn't he grow it earlier in the season?

10. Have Professor X recruit Dexter from that lumber yard in Canada.
Because he's Wolverine, right? That's what we're supposed to get from that ending.

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